“Lucky I’m In Love With My Best Friend?”

by

Now Playing — Jason Mraz – lucky (feat. colbie caillat)

Lucky? I ain’t thinking the same thing lor. Lol. Loving your best friend could mean best friend’s gf. LOL. That’s pretty shitty btw.

This week it’s been a hell of a week for me. Mood swings, emotionally affected, performance degraded drastically, bipolar disorder or what’s not. Even Quek noticed that I changed this week, like drastically. I think it’s a bit too obvious of not to be noticed (well excluding those who DON’T GIVE A FUCKING SHIT), yeah, I guess so.

It’s just like, well I can say I don’t deserve all these, I deserve something better, in a way that I might be caring or doubting or paranoid-ing or thinking or pondering stuffs in which I shouldn’t really give a damn about  / less-important / other people’s business? Sometimes it’s just like you can’t help when you think about it… that kind of thing? It’s NOT fun.

What can be worse when I’m already lack of sleep, forcing myself to churn lecture notes in which is like Greek to me, not knowing that memorising answers for exercises actually helps because it’s the same freaking thing in the exam (and he still can smile to us after he left the room… damn). He could have told us to memorise it wtf.

So yea, I call it PMS. Pre-MEN-stress-sign. lol.

I have quite a few thoughts in my mind, in which why did this happened, why did that happened, why did this not work, why why why and it goes on. Like eternity (ok maybe not since it’s just a few why’s but bad enough). Erm, put it this way to make it sounds like it makes some sense to others think of obsessiveness in a way that if you don’t get what you desire for / want / think of you’ll be affected by the outcome of it.

You just can’t control it. Most of us can’t, well some can, depending on what factor you’re referring to, but, yeah at least I know someone with close proximity to me (a.k.a sleeping right beside me all the time) couldn’t really give a fuck? And yes I know you will be reading this so doesn’t really matter.

… and yes at times you just can’t help it but to think that you’d been used by other people just like that? Like, they call you just because they have not enough people to accompany them or something, or maybe they want something, and after they get it they just say ‘kthxbai’ and end of story?

Ah yes I know I’m dealing with something which I never dealt before, face before, or at least, not at this Ritcher scale, this is like 6~7 whereas the previous ones are like 3~4. Yea, that immense. Unpredictable, just like mother nature. Well you don’t call it father nature, do you? *tsk tsk*

Oh I actually feel suicidal this evening, and someone knows why. Lol. Ok maybe la. I not sure aso.

I dunno man maybe that person actually makes some sense. Lol. Oh wait it DOES.

Afterall, the “psychic apparatus” which is Id, ego, and super-ego, *I read it before some time back* of each ppl is > 9000 ZOMG. Well on a scale 1 to 100, some might actually have > 9000 when they themselves don’t know about it and points finger to others about it.

It’s human nature, can’t be blamed. I noticed the more knowledge-able someone is the higher ego that person has. A very good example would be *ahem* ok I’m not risking my internet connection (hint hint).

The only thing that I cannot stand about it is they themselves go around pointing to ppl saying that your ego is high and stuffs, whereas they fail to see the fact that humans created the mirror for a god-forsaken reason to reflect themselves. (tho the mirror doesn’t tell you everything you need to know or else you can just go up to it and say “mirror mirror on the wall who’s the most retarded being on earth all” and it shows you. Pwnt)

So let’s see, if I were to scrape it off, and let my old personality to kick in, I believe that I’ll walk around with a knife. LOL.

*as it is we played with knife just now*

Oh did I mentioned that we all are so stress to the point that when Jon started stabbing the box with the knife (relationship problems als0), I took my penknife and I instantly feel so different even Jon jumped out from the bed and get to a rendezvous place. I really have the sudden aura change in which I’m freaked out myself, maybe that’s just what I need.

A lot, alot, a whole freaking lot of people told me that I’m not bad, and can do better, just that why I don’t want to do it. I don’t know… something, or some part of me somewhere inside me is holding back on not letting it go. It’s kinda weird tho. Well people did say that they are surprised that I’m still surviving in it. I am amused myself, but of course I’m not getting the results it’s supposed to be la partly because it’s not what I’m used to handle with. Totally different discipline, unpredictable, and one wrong step is lethal. I took it as I did a mistake and didn’t wear my labcoat and got my skin burnt. Ouch. Yeah, that hurts.

While I do feel slightly better after typing this out, a part of me subconsciously tells me that I’m really really suffering from it.

Probably what ‘eyes in the sky’ said is correct, evaluate after that period of time and see how it goes, by then it’s gonna be ‘the road not taken’ again. *sounds familiar? lol*. It is really really… not what I am used to handle.

When humans can forgive but not forget, I think that we are all imperfect the way we are perfect. Which goes to the mentality *I wonder WHO told me this already ah? rollseyes* is God evil?

Well to me, if you can waste your time thinking about God, why not think about you yourself first. Lol. Humanity is overrated, seriously. Society is fucked. Probably back then dunno how many freaking millenias ago our ancestors would have a way better lifestyle compared to what we have. Social complication, prudeness, etc, bah. Sickening sometimes.

Good thing is I take things pretty positively most of the time, but when I just can’t help it I’ll succumb within reality itself in which I believe 1 person that I know not long ago would have or feel the same way that I do.

… yes I know I’m innocent. Hell I only keep porn so that I know that I’m not gay. My housemate been wondering whether I’m straight, gay, or bi as I don’t get porn from either one of them, and yea I guess their collection is like the national archive, or even better (well national stuffs, tak boleh la sometimes).

Hurmm, a bit too much detail, but who gives a fuck.

I shall go Forth and Insult all that Annoys the Fuck outta Me.

Maybe I should opt for the same and care less about people. Then I won’t get hurt so easily, or maybe emo this often anymore. Emotions makes us human, but that’s the thing that makes human more vulnerable than any living thing on earth.

Well afterall, humans are like a plague, we survive, and replicate like bunnies. Breed and breed like bunnies.

We can’t even protect ourselves properly not like turtles when we can hide in the shell lol. We’re so tofu man.

and I really really noticed this now… like 19 years of my life… that… the best things in life, it doesn’t necessarily have to be owned by you for you to enjoy it.

As long as you feel good about it then by all means go ahead. Ah yeah, so far what I did, it’s like 70 30 mixture la of feeling good and bad. Which is which for the percentage, your call. Let you shoot, see if your intuition is accurate or not.

I want to prove everyone else wrong… I hope I can… before I break down.

*edit

Time flies when you are having fun! So grab every opportunity you have and chase after your dreams! For as long as there’s a dream, there is hope, and as long as there is hope, there is joy in living.

Took it from somewhere muahhahahah. I was having fun… until everything went wrong.

Now where’s my magic marker lol.

Now Playing — Jason Mraz – I’m Yours

-edit again Now Playing — 이루마 / Yiruma – Kiss The Rain

The Sword of the Thousand Truths (South Park, WoW edition). LOL.

The Sword of the Thousand Truths (South Park, WoW edition). LOL.

That’s what happens when I locked myself out of my room without my keys that time. So yeah it’s now on top of my door…

AC.

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2 Responses to ““Lucky I’m In Love With My Best Friend?””

  1. Maj. Whopper Says:

    At least you have good friends around u., & aren’t surrounded by liars. Good Luck with yr quest, Al. I think u may be better suited to the other 1 tho. I also have a problem with clingy people & prefer a challenge..
    O well, all rhodes lead to home, as they say.

    x

  2. thejuggernaut Says:

    lol epic …… (fail or win up to you .. :P)

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