I really miss it

by

Now Playing — Hugh Grant – Meaningless Kiss

Reminded me 2 weeks during exam. One fine night…

Anyway was planning to stego this post but then felt lazy and don’t have the mood to do it anytime soon, well maybe another day forthelulz.

It’s not like everyone can understand my posts anyway. Is it the fact that I think illogically or other people’s brain are just too complex and can’t read between the lines. I really wonder.

Let alone the fact that only a few close friends will read this, and I wonder who and when will they be reading too.

It’s not like I blog for your info (well I do), but more like I blog about my thoughts. Yes, it’s my online diary. There will be not much of a difference if I were to write this in a diary (well maybe it’s more readable and nicer as it’s typed not handwritten). I’m sick of writing into a diary as it will run out of papers, and my handwriting sucks. Not only that, it’s hard to refer back to certain meaningful posts at times (no search function in diaries *rolls eyes*)

Well it’s 3:45 AM 8/23/2008 and I’m posting this entry. Others are long asleep. Let alone those with a proper lifestyle and pursuing what they want in live.

I came to a realisation where other people will somehow rather shoots an arrow with embedded message saying “Get a life please” towards my head. That’s what I call markmanship (ah I miss drow ranger’s old ulti).

It’s more like saying, yes I suck, I don’t have a life, I have eating disorder, I have sleeping disorder, I have problems with my life that I should just jump of a cliff or something to end my miserable pathetic lifeless life?

Nevertheless, regardless of conditions made, be it conditional or unconditional, life is like mother nature. It is so damn unpredictable. Who knows what might happen next? Who knows what will change, and what will not?

So much for being nocturnal…

Well that reminds me of Secret Garden – Nocturne (who have a full collection of Secret Garden pls PM me or msg me or tell me thx)

Now Playing — Kawai Kenji – Unmei no Yoru

Fate/Stay Night.

I don’t know why but I keep linking things… like anime to real-life person, then this to that, it’s like, everything revolves around something… just one thing.

Since that happened, life’s never been the same. I really mean it. Let’s see… I somehow became… wild? Kinda cynical due to my environment factors, peer pressure, academic studies, food? (duh cooking myself out of nothing is an impossible task). Well let’s see… I started… to pay attention of my intonation… did a lot of mistakes within a conversation… noticed how I neglected myself in certain aspects of my life… how my life was brightened after it happened… how did I find my source of inspiration and source to rant, vent out, etc. It’s like ‘eye-opener’ for the blind. It’s wonderful.

Yeah I never expect myself to be in that state, even my housemate was like saying… “dude, you really… *tsk*”  -_-

Ah well let’s forget the fact that I got chased out from TTS5 anyway. ‘;,,,;’

Setan (wolf gang’s slang)

Then… since I found it, I wanted to seek for it. I am more than willing to do whatever it takes to get to the thing I seek for. My life drastically changed since then. I don’t know what I became, but I hope what happened was for the greater good of course. Nevertheless being almost kicked out from University ISN’T FUN.

On the verge of giving up, shamans came along the way and god knows what kinda spell did they put on me that made me push forward and see for what will happen.

As I walk along the windy dark path road seeking for the truth, constant mind intriguing questions which will never in my life will be able to unravel them without going directly to the source (that’s a problem), I faced a lot of road forks (choices) in which I hoped that there’s a savepoint somewhere but apparently there weren’t any.

So as I asked myself on which path should I take, I looked up and said, “Please guide me and lead me to the correct road”.

*I feel like I’m writing a story -_-*

Then… months passed. Keep on walking.

I found a signboard. It says, “500miles in front, water source — by Gaara”

Instantly 2 questions popup in my head:

1. Why the hell is Gaara supplying water? (It’s impossible)

2. That might be the truth, no?

What would you think? What would you do?

So I keep on walking in the end…

Bottomline: I keep searching and searching, take and use, modify, and make it my own. Work hard, try to know my limits, and change it for a better state.

Ah well, on the way as I walked for months, I was hit my drastic hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, thunderstorms, etc. I kept on walking after I find myself sheltered for sometime, trying to avoid these disasters instead of heading on with my journey (avoiding the problem).

Well until here, one might ask, what the hell is he thinking?

Answer is so simple — That’s what I really been through.

It’s like a domino effect… push the first tile, and it will keep pushing on and on until the very last domino. Well disregard the fact that it might be intercepted or whatever (that get’s out of hand), it’s a neverending fall.

Now a priest came by one fine night, under the bright cold silver moon, tonight alone in my room… he preached and asked me to turn back and take another direction instead… nevertheless the priest doesn’t know that the choices weren’t exactly a choice.

Just like attraction. It was never a choice.

… and then my winamp backs me up with this song

Now Playing — Lene Marlin – A Place Nearby

Yes… heaven is a place nearby…

Question is will one be able to walk that path and head to that destination?

So all in all… I never really blamed anyone or anything for what had happened, as I believe that it happened for a decent reason… just that… I never knew that reality really hits you in your face, real hard. Like a sledgehammer on a tiny pea.

So back to the future.

As a clairvoyant, sometimes I tend to overlook into things… and went a bit too far. Far-fetched.

So instead of thinking what will happen, what should happen, I should work on what I can do for the moment without further ado instead of standing there and think “Ah, this should be here that should be there”.

Yes, my logic path is weird. That’s whY i call myself cynical.

it’s like, 1 0 = 0, 0 1 = 0, 0 0 = 1, 1 1 = 0. Makes no sense right?

Ah well I think they did mention about scorpio being intense and possesive… but what about ‘aggresive’?

“What’s the count?”

AC. [4:17 AM 8/23/2008]

Lets gently throw our fake selves away, and just be who we are.

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2 Responses to “I really miss it”

  1. - c H i E n - Says:

    I used to over think situations, being over sensitive and constantly hurting myself for things that have never happened in real life but only in my imagination.

    Then I learn not to care, not to bother, to only take life as it is. Smile when all the bad things happen, because they make me learn. Laugh when I fall down, because then embarrassment won’t seem so embarrassing anymore.

    Disasters cannot be avoided. Heart breaks do happen. Disappointment is like a must in life. But these will pass by, and we’ll see rainbow. Because they make us learn.

    So, whatever you’re doing or facing, gambateh!

    Sweet dreamz~*

  2. Jeevan Jayaraman Says:

    Dude… Imma gonna miss you bro….. :sniff: :sniff:
    I really am… but i will keep in touch :sniff:

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