Scrap (28/7/07)

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I got my rank that day. Dat ceremony was hectic and scary. Anyway I enjoyed myself. Seriously. Until last night only I know that I got the power to deliver punishment muahahha xD. Nothing much changed, it’s just that I still can’t let go. Every freaking time I see them together i’s like hell (You know a Chinese Tradition where they repeat what you did before in the past which shows you your painful experiences? That’s it) Anyhow, I hope this saying in true (What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. A lot of stuffs happened, but yet I do not know how to convey my message. Here’s something really amazing happened to me. The before and after me is a totally different story. I am a fucking no life geek, camping in front of the computer 24/7. Now, I turned into a squadleader who needs to become the best and highly responsible for anything. Love wise, I finally understand why there’s a show in 8TV called ‘Beauty and The Geek’. Heck, geeks have no life. My failure in caring and commnunicating made me fail once again. BTW, I’m writing this on a bus to Taiping’s Jail. It’s Saturday morning and there’s Khidmat Komuniti again. I’m starting to see how different my mentality from these group of people. Not to say that I’m superior and all those kinda shit, but I’m just amazed how ‘wonderful’ one can be. I shall continue the next edit before I puke on this page because of visual sickness. BRB!

EDIT (3.56pm) – OH MY FUCKING GOD… *Speechless* SINCE WHEN ON EARTH MOON WROTE THAT IN MY BOOK?! FUCK… Everything’s too late now.

I turned emo-ish now. OH gawd here we go again. The poetic side of me emerges from the dark side. Lol. My love for her… Priceless. My consciousness tell me that it’s my own mistake for letting her breaking up with me. Anyhow it’s too late when I see them together. Everything I see that happen it’s like thousand needles spiking through my crystal heart. Broken into pieces, tears of sorrow. Oh please tell me my princess, who do you really like now… I really really, hounto ni, never noticed that paragraph. Ah! I fell into this deep shit because of her, and now I lost her… My precious one. Eventhough it’s just 11 days I felt so happy, the feeling is undescribeable… But I let myself and her down. I really wanna know what made her make that decision. Fuck… Sigh… “Oh my love, my darling… I hunger for your touch…” I’d never been into such remorseful state as before. You’re the only one I want. Only you can take me through all ups and downs in NS. You’re the one who gave me hope when I have no friends, you’re the one who tell me not to be so arrogant and cool. I’d changed for you, and yet that’s what I get now? Because of you, my relationship between friends turned 360 degrees. I’m alone in this camp now. Alone. Tears starting to mist up my vision. I tried to forget you, but I can’t. I swore to myself that I do not want to start a relationship here, yet I fell in love with you. This experience let me know that there really consists people who will do anything just to get a girl. ANYTHING. I’m lack of love. In a way. Maybe because I’m alone… all alone since small. Being alone is good in a way, but the mentality and experience is totally different from others. Who doesn’t wish his/her brother/sister treat them well Who doesn’t want them to be protected?

Here’s the formal side of me. I know that majority of the Chinese in Charlie company doesn’t like me. Anyway, I’m not gonna stand back. It’s just 44(more or less) days left. I got the power to deliver punishment. Anything tougher than that I’ll just give their name to Cikgu Zaidi. Ebd if stiry. If I’m not emotionally affected, I can win this battle easily. 4 stripes above my shoulder; it’s heavy, but the power that comes with it is the same. “With great power comes great responsibility”. This is a real-life simulation game. Tho it’s not like in-game when you can reset or play again when you lost. “You only have 1 shot do not miss the chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime”. Anyway, back to the paragraph thingy, when I accidentally saw that “Dear… I like you… *snip*, I’m like FUCK. Why don’t I see that earlier? WHy?! I shall rest now. I’m tired.

EDIT (8.20pm) – Place – Dewan Makan Status – Same as before. If I’m not mistaken I see that paragraph before, she pointed that out before. My dreams shattered like once before. Confessions of a Broken Heart! It’s really weird when I do not miss my computer as before. Heck, I can’t even live without my computer, emails, logs, stuffs. Coupling, coupling. Sigh. If they really became a couple I wish them all the best lah~* Since I need to continue my studies in UNiM, and unless she’s ready for LDR and like me a lot, which is probably not in this case. Too bad, I really like her, I don’t know why, it doesn’t even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind, I design this rhyme. “What it meant to be will eventually be a memory in a time I try so hard and got so far… In The End… It doesn’t even matter, I had too far, to lose it on… In The End, it doesn’t even matter…”

EDIT – Ok, fuck this shit. SHIFT+DELETE -> ENTER

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