Archive for August, 2007

Scrap (7/8/07)

August 8, 2007

Good afternoon, welcome back to eXPeri3nc3’s Corner Scrap for National Service Kem Jiwa Murni Gunung Semanggol Kumpulan 3 Siri 4 2007. Ah that’s more like it lol. I’m gonna print this out and stick it inside my diary. Alright, now let’s move to the first agenda of the day that is daily happenings. As usual in the morning I woke up the first thing I would do is to switch on my pc and wham, sound blasting away. Then only I’ll take my breakfast. Music is my life. Lol. Indeed. I forgot to bring my pendrive back home, I left it in my locker. So I searched for high and low only to find that none other place besides offers it. I’m like Holy Saint! Saviour! Woot xD Eurodancer – DJ Mangoo roxxors!

Now playing — Da Bei Jou ^^”

No matter how many times I play this chant, I just can’t get enough. How weird could that be… Hmm. Next, continued my regular basis of situps and pushups (just made this basis not long ago xD). Took a bath and ate lunch. Now typing this. Lol. Messaged Elaine for her Friendster’s Email. Took Chinese Medication too.

Now let’s move on to the next important agenda of the day, my puzzles and feelings. It’s a weird thing when a girl dumped you for another guy, yet she still mention that “we still have chance to be together”. Next thing is, she still call you dear or whatever-“the”-related thingy (you’ll catch the drift) eventhough she’d involved in another relationship. Another vertex is she proposes another girl and she deemed that she’s good and worth considering. What the hell on earth is this? She gave you hope and yet another time she ask you to forget her? How ridiculous could one be man… I will never know. There’s a Chinese Proverb saying that observers have the clearest sight of one incident. I find it very “the” true. But I still can’t get a proper and clear view about my incident. Man, even with the Maoshan ‘Thousand Miles Eyes and Ears’ Amulet can’t help me in this case xDD The main question is, there’s still 30+- mleft, and is it worth it to let go and screw whatever stuffs gonna happen as I’m heading for University -or- try and use ‘a screwdriver to purge the bottlecap’ (drift drift drift!) -or- screw both I’m gonna emo all day and night xD Let’s go back to the basics. Foundation level. At the first place is she playing the fool (me)? Second, did I do something ‘too overly’? (I guess I really did). Never mind, thirdly, what made her initiate to breakup and what made her choose DRM over me? Also, what made her so happy when she’s with him? Why I can’t achieve the same?

I guess all these questions can be easily answered by observers. Not myself. I’m too obsessed with this incident. It’s the same case as 2 people in a Chinese Chess match. Only the observers(most of the time) will have a better insight about the game. “When you’re in the game, you’ll be puzzled most of the time”. Ok, before moving on, should I continue contacting her or just be myself and screw what-the-shits gonna happen as I stand no chance? But deep in my heart I still want her… A1’s Everytime lyrics started to flow into my mind again… Swt.

I can still remember once when I was a kid I can’t enter a temple in Penang (I asked my mum about it last night, in fact we discussed about it). I can still remember that for some miracle reasons I can’t enter the temple (for something made me headache and pulled me away from the temple). Until the monk came out and pressed my head and chanted some prayers, gave me a cup of water then I went inside and sit aside silently. That incident remained in my memory. Sweat.

The next agenda, relationship. As this year is not very good for me, ofc this factor will be affected. Don’t understand? In other words, I can’t make much friends.

BTW, Wen Bin just came and chatted for a period of time. He got no keys to enter his house, I’m like swt =_=|||
My mind is blank now, guess it’s time for me to get my printer working and print this out. Lol. WBRB. EDIT – Crap, printhead died. Handwriting then.



Seven Questions Taggie by Vixen

August 7, 2007

Yeah, recently I’d been to National Service training(forced to =P), and I just noticed that Vixen tagged me. It’s like so long ago, and I rather complete it than giving myself a bad impression. Sorry ya Vixen!~

[Seven Things I’m Experiencing Now]
1. Being dumped
2. Miss my computer
3. Pressured
4. Cough
5. Typing
6. Trancing with my own songs~
7. Anxiety for my exam results @.@

[Seven Things I’m Thinking About Now]
1. The one who dumped me
2. The old me, for I’d changed a lot since I went for NS
3. What should I do after NS
4. What could I do now as my computer is so freaking slow~
5. A place where there will be no fuktards
6. What is love
7. Where is the love~*

[Seven Things I’m Worrying About]
1. My Exams Results!
2. My Future
3. My Life in NS
4. My Laptop (will get one soon)
5. My Handphone (need to get a new one soon)
6. My Love Life in NS
7. When will I die?

[Seven Things I’m Happy About]
1. Myself!
2. My chest, they’re firmer than before =D
3. Music~
4. Girls (who can make someone happy instead of breaking people’s heart)
5. My Knowledge (Knowledge is Power!)
6. My parents (They love me so much!)
7. I’d changed into a better person since I join NS
[Seven People I Treasure]
1. Parents!
2. Friendship (regardless good or bad)
3. Strangers
4. Anyone
5. Girlfriends and exs
6. Teachers
7. Rivals! (without them what’s left to learn? =) )

[Seven Things I Always Touch or Come In Contact With]
1. My pen and file cum diary! (National Service must have =P )
2. My uniform
3. My bed
4. My clothes
5. My water bottle
6. My handphone
7. My hair! ( @.@” )

[Seven Things I Want to Improve]
1. How To Court / Tackle / Persevere Girls
2. My knowledge about life
3. Laziness
4. Leadership
5. My body shape, more muscular~
6. My outlook, zap all those acnes away! Give me back my hair~
7. How to respect parents (I know I suck in this)
[Seven Things I’m Strong In]
1. Inteligent!
2. Ability to predict
3. Computers (compared to normal people)
4. Maths?
5. Observing
6. Memorising
7. Six sense (at times =P)

[Seven Things I’m Weak In]
1. Communicating
2. Sports
3. Jumping (Heck, I can’t bounce high xD)
4. Girls (Ohmigosh =O)
5. Woodcraft
6. Mandarin! (>.<)
7. Slow respond

[Seven Things I Adore Eating]
1. Meat!
2. Chocolate
3. Rice
4. Ice Cream
5. My own body (Yea I bite my hands)
6. Lips
7. Desserts

[Seven Things I Adore Drinking]
1. Water
2. My own saliva
3. Anything which is sweet (not that sweet tho)
4. Sputum (at times? o.O)
5. Liquor (not bitter ones)
6. Pack drinks
7. Fruit Juice

[Seven Things I Detest]
1. Fucktards (esp those in NS)
2. Troublemakers
3. Those who hurt me ( =( )
4. Dumbfucks
5. Smokers
6. Those who lead you to the wrong path
7. ‘Firestarters’

[Seven Things I Cannot Live Without]
1. Girls
2. Diary
3. Parents
4. Music
5. Handphone
6. Friends
7. Computer

[Seven Things I Fear to Show]
1. My dark side… muahahhah xD
2. Fear
3. Nightmares
4. Talent (Scared being exploited xD)
5. I
6. Don’t
7. Know

[Seven Things I’ll Never Want to Talk About]
1. I
2. really
3. don’t
4. know
5. how
6. to answer
7. this question

[Seven Things I Will Want to Do]
1. Be outstanding and pass with flying colours in University
2. Improve myself to be a better person
3. Get a good job
4. Have a good wife and family
5. Glasgow’s Hierarchy of Needs (grins =D)
6. Whatever
7. as long as I enjoy doing it

[Seven Things I Will Never Play Around When/With]
1. Love! (I’d learnt my lesson. Appreciate while its there)
2. Life and Death
3. Ghosts!
4. Drugs
5. My Future
6. Pregnancy (Catch the drift)
7. Reputation

[Seven Things I Wonder About]
1. Why did God created earth and humanity
2. Why man and women can’t live without each other
3. How did Buddha get his enlightenment
4. Why fucktards exist in this world
5. What is love? What is the ultimate answer?
6. What is life?
7. Does ‘nothing is absolute in this world’ and absolute answer or a paradox?

[Seven Questions I Hope My Friends Would Respond To]
1. Do you like / love me?
2. Wanna make love? =P
3. Help me please?
4. Show me the money >3
5. Tell me what do you have in mind
6. Tell me when I do something wrong
7. Would you enlighten me on that?

[Seven Things (or People) I Would Love to See]
1. My parents! (forever)
2. The ones I love
3. Girls!
4. Friends
5. Holley Comet
6. Peaceful World
7. Buddha

Time to tag people. Nyahahhahah xD

1. Kwang
2. Jeevan
3. Pris
4. JC

Scrap (6/8/07)

August 7, 2007

Alright, time for updates. That day there’s a sudden spotcheck at night and some of the guys got busted in possessing lighter and handphone. Some was caught with bullet. Then not long after that I got scolded by Cikgu Zaidi because of Cikgu Wirdaton’s case. Fuck that shit. Then the next morning was Open Day, told my parents not to attend it so early. Wise choice. Almost did the wrong thing, thanks to Cikgu Sobri I shouted ‘semula’. After that had lunch in canteen and headed back with Kok Hin. Slept on the way back. Once reach home, took bath and check email. Wow, 200++ emails. Forgot that gwmail password expired and Cornelius changed it, but he forgot. Now I have to wait IT Support to reset it for me. Clark76 turned into analyst. Wow. Cui Ying don’t give me her num, I’m like swt when she ask why I need her number. Then never really knew Hui Ming, and Sean got coupled ady. Moon pulak tried to emphasis me to ‘forget and find another’ indirectly. I feel so sad when I knew that. Anyway, I found Everytime by A1’s lyrics only to find that it suits my condition(situation) perfectly. I’m like ZOMGWTFBBQPAWNED. As usual I’ll still message her (tho it doesn’t seem like the old me), and my last message is still pending. So sad. Saw LCM today in front of ACS. Changed her hairstyle. Alicia knew I came back. Just played Chinese Chess with dad, I lost. >.< Anyway it’s a good game. Really interesting. I really do not understand, compared to him what is my cons? I really can’t tell. Yeah, maybe I’m not caring enough. I really feel sad. I doubted if she really liked me in the first place. Yet the rumours might be true. I am torn apart between decisions whether the earlier choice I made is a good or bad one. Ah, my coy flag wasn’t burnt afterall. Will write more tomorrow it’s late now. Muaks~

Scrap (2/8/07)

August 7, 2007

This is just a brief walkthrough. That day went into Koridor Utara to welcome PM’s arrival. shake hands with him, his palm is very soft. A lot of stuffs happened, from the ‘flag burning ceeremony’ last night (As we forgot to take it again), problems within Bravo Company, and so on. Met a girl who likes to draw anime characters. She drew some in my book and I’m amazed how capable she is, yet she turned my dull and sorrow book into something wonderful, eventhough it’s just 4 pages. I wish to know her more, she seems to be a nice girl. Let’s just say if I keep low profile (reject to become assist squad), flirt no girls, just mix around with own company, there won’t be this kinda shit happened to me. I can’t do shit to change anything now. I wonder whether anyone else know how remorseful I am now. All I can do know is to continue preaching my prayers. After this, I head back to the University, and this burden will fade away. BTW, after NS, I swear to god that I’m gonna blog everything regarding “different background issue”. I’m tired, last night was fun tho’ Full Celoreng -> Class -> Sports -> Normal Attire -> Full Celoreng with NS towel as Kain Pelekat, plus a cup with toothpaste and toothbrushg. We’re required to brush our teeth at the padang kawad. Sweat. Will add more when there’s a flow.

Scrap (31/7/07)

August 7, 2007

Wow, yesterday really is something. Let’s start from the morning part. After a period of time, finally it’s the first time I wake up so early. Damn sleepy, headed towards the marchng ground, don’t know what happened. Screw Cikgu Wirdaton, she can go and suck some coconut shell. Useless teacher. Fucking useless. Anyway, I ‘lapor sakit’ around 9am when my first class (Kebudayaan) started. I skipped class whole day and went to Hospital Taiping for treatment. I finally got my cough medicine. Went with 3 guys. It’s like eternity waiting for our turn to get medication. Came back and got our class shoes (shinning sial xD) Slept until sports time. My heart throbbled each time I saw Moon. It’s more stable than before now. Anyway I called a girl ‘Malay Girl’ (Cantonese) lawl xD as she really look like one IMO. She’s freaking fair and beautiful. I guess it’s time to let go. Shall I create something which will make her remember me? Let time tell. I hope that although she doesn’t love me anymore but at least up till one point I will still be remembered or at least treasured. This is a one in a lifetime experience, at least for me I’ll treasure her deep in my heart. BTW, I’m writing this is kebudayaan class. Lol xD. And this evening we’re going to SMK Selinsing to welcome the arrival of our PM. Ah, at least some of the girls still refer me as a polite person. That’s more than enough. I can’t do much to change something, but at least I try my best. Heck, I still remember the ‘Reverse Law’, the more you wish something the more you won’t get it. And that’s how Ana and Moon liked me before.

Scrap (28/7/07)

August 7, 2007

I got my rank that day. Dat ceremony was hectic and scary. Anyway I enjoyed myself. Seriously. Until last night only I know that I got the power to deliver punishment muahahha xD. Nothing much changed, it’s just that I still can’t let go. Every freaking time I see them together i’s like hell (You know a Chinese Tradition where they repeat what you did before in the past which shows you your painful experiences? That’s it) Anyhow, I hope this saying in true (What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. A lot of stuffs happened, but yet I do not know how to convey my message. Here’s something really amazing happened to me. The before and after me is a totally different story. I am a fucking no life geek, camping in front of the computer 24/7. Now, I turned into a squadleader who needs to become the best and highly responsible for anything. Love wise, I finally understand why there’s a show in 8TV called ‘Beauty and The Geek’. Heck, geeks have no life. My failure in caring and commnunicating made me fail once again. BTW, I’m writing this on a bus to Taiping’s Jail. It’s Saturday morning and there’s Khidmat Komuniti again. I’m starting to see how different my mentality from these group of people. Not to say that I’m superior and all those kinda shit, but I’m just amazed how ‘wonderful’ one can be. I shall continue the next edit before I puke on this page because of visual sickness. BRB!

EDIT (3.56pm) – OH MY FUCKING GOD… *Speechless* SINCE WHEN ON EARTH MOON WROTE THAT IN MY BOOK?! FUCK… Everything’s too late now.

I turned emo-ish now. OH gawd here we go again. The poetic side of me emerges from the dark side. Lol. My love for her… Priceless. My consciousness tell me that it’s my own mistake for letting her breaking up with me. Anyhow it’s too late when I see them together. Everything I see that happen it’s like thousand needles spiking through my crystal heart. Broken into pieces, tears of sorrow. Oh please tell me my princess, who do you really like now… I really really, hounto ni, never noticed that paragraph. Ah! I fell into this deep shit because of her, and now I lost her… My precious one. Eventhough it’s just 11 days I felt so happy, the feeling is undescribeable… But I let myself and her down. I really wanna know what made her make that decision. Fuck… Sigh… “Oh my love, my darling… I hunger for your touch…” I’d never been into such remorseful state as before. You’re the only one I want. Only you can take me through all ups and downs in NS. You’re the one who gave me hope when I have no friends, you’re the one who tell me not to be so arrogant and cool. I’d changed for you, and yet that’s what I get now? Because of you, my relationship between friends turned 360 degrees. I’m alone in this camp now. Alone. Tears starting to mist up my vision. I tried to forget you, but I can’t. I swore to myself that I do not want to start a relationship here, yet I fell in love with you. This experience let me know that there really consists people who will do anything just to get a girl. ANYTHING. I’m lack of love. In a way. Maybe because I’m alone… all alone since small. Being alone is good in a way, but the mentality and experience is totally different from others. Who doesn’t wish his/her brother/sister treat them well Who doesn’t want them to be protected?

Here’s the formal side of me. I know that majority of the Chinese in Charlie company doesn’t like me. Anyway, I’m not gonna stand back. It’s just 44(more or less) days left. I got the power to deliver punishment. Anything tougher than that I’ll just give their name to Cikgu Zaidi. Ebd if stiry. If I’m not emotionally affected, I can win this battle easily. 4 stripes above my shoulder; it’s heavy, but the power that comes with it is the same. “With great power comes great responsibility”. This is a real-life simulation game. Tho it’s not like in-game when you can reset or play again when you lost. “You only have 1 shot do not miss the chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime”. Anyway, back to the paragraph thingy, when I accidentally saw that “Dear… I like you… *snip*, I’m like FUCK. Why don’t I see that earlier? WHy?! I shall rest now. I’m tired.

EDIT (8.20pm) – Place – Dewan Makan Status – Same as before. If I’m not mistaken I see that paragraph before, she pointed that out before. My dreams shattered like once before. Confessions of a Broken Heart! It’s really weird when I do not miss my computer as before. Heck, I can’t even live without my computer, emails, logs, stuffs. Coupling, coupling. Sigh. If they really became a couple I wish them all the best lah~* Since I need to continue my studies in UNiM, and unless she’s ready for LDR and like me a lot, which is probably not in this case. Too bad, I really like her, I don’t know why, it doesn’t even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind, I design this rhyme. “What it meant to be will eventually be a memory in a time I try so hard and got so far… In The End… It doesn’t even matter, I had too far, to lose it on… In The End, it doesn’t even matter…”

EDIT – Ok, fuck this shit. SHIFT+DELETE -> ENTER

Scrap (23/7/07)

August 7, 2007

Ah, good news. I became the overall squad leader. woot! Downside is I need to carry loads and loads of responsibility. Not to forget Zaidi told me to take care of myself and not do ‘that’ again. Sob >.< Life’s tough up till this point. What a painful experience.

Scrap (21/7/07)

August 7, 2007

And yes, as expected (but not that early tho’) I broke up with her. She initiated. Anyway, it’s something funny when one can totally change compared with her behaviour. Went throught last night’s Ketua Keseluruhan Competition. Gave it my best shot. I really feel sad and happy at the same time. Sigh. Will elaborate more later. WBRB.

Scrap (19/7/07)

August 7, 2007

Heck, “Kenegaraan” Class = Boring. Suddenly got the urge to write something. Updates for today, Saturday or Sunday settle with DRM. Give whatever I have, no matter what it takes to be the best (to become Ketua Keseluruhan) Moon suddenly, out of the blue, turned dull and cool. I’m shocked but anyway I’m not gonna worry over it. All I want is that position and the crowning part muahaha xD BRB

Scrap (17/7/07)

August 7, 2007

“It’s 10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will, 5% pleasure, 50% pain, and 100% reason to remember the name” – This line came into my mind. How random could I be lawl xD. At the same time, how I wish I could understand girls attitude. They can be very intimidate with you and at the same time be cool almost all the time. I hugged (her waist) and hold her hand last night. It’s fun, but today it’s like wtfbbqpawned. Ish. Anyway Bravo lost in Football match. How down am I now only God knows. Contrary to that, I’m not as stressed out as a few days before. Weird. I’ll continue when time permits. EDIT –  I hope (just hope) that those who envy and hate me disappear from this world, then only I’ll thank them for making me wiser and better.