Just the first day itself got me thinking. Ya heard that right.
It all started with self observation. I changed a lot. In certain aspects, but not my whole attitude paradigm so to speak. Bad enough, if you view it from certain point of view (e.g. parents).
Then I stumbled across a photo of my ‘secondary school classmates’ in their CNY attire in someone’s house, and then got me thinking. Why was I not invited?
To proceed, I’d analytically broke down a few key points:
- Most of them couldn’t give a fuck if I’m alive or dead
- I wanted it that way (since #1 is true)
- They don’t know I’m back (I mean like, seriously? Where the hell can I be when it’s CNY)
So I guess I can sum it all to life sucks in Kampar as I no longer have friends to actually hang out with. Reflash back like 18 years of my life in Kampar all my close friends are no longer around. Then, I don’t have that many close friends too.
I still remember dreading my pri/sec school life, then it went to University, a much better pace but still don’t like it (scholarship issues/related stress, it ain’t fun when you know you are in trouble if you don’t study well). Working life is soooooo much different, as expected, but the freedom is priceless.
However, I guess due to the working life as well as habits (e.g. late night mamak, eating lunch/dinner late, night shift, etc.) kind of take a toll on my body as well.
Guess I really need, desperately, to enlarge my circle of friends. I guess I shall not give a fuck to what people think about me and wipe of the existence of my so-called friends in Kampar. Not like they could care less.
Then the next thing is gaming. It’s fun and all ya know but it kinda waste my time… yea tell me about it I’d just realised lol. I could benefit more reading a book, programming, or spend more time with family (ya right -_-).
So from this point on I guess I shall limit my gaming hours, no more late night gaming (once in a while is ok, moderation is key). I need a life. Proper one.
Hence, I MUST have constant exercise. Still procrastinating.
Also, I don’t know where and when will I be moving out from my small room… that’s good training though, not to take things for granted. Kinda works. But it’s self-inflicted torture on the physical and mental. Trust me it ain’t fun facing 4 walls when you reach home in a small suffocating place. A lot actually wonder how the hell I managed to stay there in such a small room lol.
Work wise, got progressed. Yay! Lol.
I guess a lot of things in life is indeed achievable just that I need to make small changes and make the FIRST step to change. Then no turning back. Fuck the past, look forward to the future.
No point crying over spilt milk, I’ll just make new friends.
Goodnight world. Happy Chinese New Year
3:41 AM 1/24/2012
– eXPeri3nc3
